Melissa Mango’s Birth Story
The nine months of my pregnancy was I must admit, well…..EASY! Not until the final weeks was I hobbling and having quite an entertaining time getting up from a seated position on the floor. My pelvis was creaking, cracking and shifting to prepare for labor so I was grateful for the weekly massages I was receiving to keep me relaxed.
Early in the pregnancy I hired Julie, a doula and watsu therapist local to Santa Cruz, who gave me some great books to read as well as documentary dvds of actual births. The dvds really inspired me to focus on the natural blissful birth I intended and also made me realize that each women’s experience with birth can be very different. A women’s birthing experience greatly depending on her state of mind, level of health, her relationship with the father as well as her connection to herself.
My state of mind during my pregnancy was very mellow having just moved to the Santa Cruz area. I spent most of my days reading, writing, stretching, sunbathing and working on my raw food home delivery service. Baby’s daddy Dahveed and I have a very nurturing relationship of open communication and loving companionship which I am grateful for.
My diet varied depending on the trimester, my needs and of course the weather. I ate a high raw diet during my entire pregnancy with the exception of steamed veggies, home-made soups and quinoa in the cooler months as well as raw goat’s cheese and truly free range eggs in my last 2 months. I must admit I did have a few non raw treats here and there which I enjoyed immensely with zero guilt! I have not eaten animal flesh in years and did not get that desire while being pregnant. I started each morning with a huge green smoothie which consisted of fresh whole oranges peeled, other seasonal fruit, our garden’s kale and Lifeforce Spirulina. Later in the day I would make myself what I call a warm frothy beverage consisting of nut milk, a few dates, cinnamon, vanilla and herbal tea which was like a raw-latte’ and would warm my heart and soul on cool evenings. Typically later in the day I would eat a large salad from our garden with a home-made raw dressing and sometimes a poached egg on top a few times a week. I felt like a friggen rock star when I ate this way! A high amount of raw foods, coupled with the small additions here and there when I felt the need really worked for me, I was balanced and very happy. I only gained 13 pounds during my pregnancy and my baby boy was growing beautifully. I believe that my choices of foods and beverages throughout really contributed to my easy pregnancy as well as keeping “unnecessary weight gain” under control. I did not experience the other “discomforts” I hear about such as swollen feet, acid reflux, bleeding gums, yeast infections, nor even stretch marks etc. The 2 times I got swollen feet or indigestion was when I would eat organic chips or something else more processed than I was use to. I am guessing most of these “discomforts” have to do with the cleanliness of one’s diet. A diet high in Live raw foods during pregnancy and always is the way to go for maximum benefits!
My doctor gave me the 17th of Nov as my due date, but when the 22nd rolled around I knew I was closer to my actual due date from my calculations. Just after midnight I laid down for the evening after a nice long day with my girl friends and dinner. Not more than five minutes after my head hit the pillow I felt a sensation very similar to a period cramp in my lower abdomen. This didn’t strike me as odd, because I had felt this sensation before, maybe even several times for weeks during the later months of my pregnancy. The sensation carried on for a minute or so then went away. Not more than a five minutes later, the sensation returned and that is when I started thinking “Hmm..could this be early labor.”
The pattern continued a few more times and that is when I mentioned to Dahveed to start timing the length. The next time the sensation came, I took a deep breath cuing Dahveed to start taking time then I continued with nice even, long breaths until it subsided. Dahveed timed several cycles and we discovered that they were roughly 30-45 seconds in length and 1-3 minutes apart giving us the idea I was defiantly in labor. Really? I was expecting a shaper sensation all over my belly as the contractions, as well as being able to fall asleep like most of the stories I had read. This was different than I expected however I was open to having my own experience. At 12:30am I had Dahveed call Julie our doula to share with her what was going on. She said it sounded like early labor and if I could go back to sleep for some rest, that would be the best thing since this part of labor could take hours.
I laid in bed and continued to breathe through each contraction though they did not hurt, they were too strong to sleep through comfortably. I kept thinking “Wow! Am I really ready for this?” I ran a bath and relaxed for a half hour or so then put on some cozy sweat pants, fuzzy socks and a beanie. I fiddled around the house, sat on the yoga ball and talked with Dahveed all while gently breathing thru the contractions. We called Julie once more to let her know I was unable to sleep and she said since the contractions are strong and consistent, if you’re ready for it, let’s do it!
My friend Joy was in town specifically for the birth which I was very grateful to have her solid sister support. Joy was interested in taking doula training, so naturally we thought it was perfect that she attend not only as my dear friend but as a women learning. She was upstairs sleeping in the guest room about this time. I thought I would let her get some rest and wake her just before we decided to go to the Birthing Center so that she could be well rested and ready to support in ways we had talked about previously that day.
Approximately 3:00am, my body started to shake uncontrollably with cold sweats. It reminded me of a major cleansing reaction or the flu. My body literally emptied out at least 5 times with solid matter within a short time. My body continued to tremble and I got back in the hot bath tub for comfort. For a moment I thought maybe I was progressing further into labor to point I needed to get to the Center. None the less I was getting excited! I knew my body was just prepping for the beautiful event.
At 4:00am Julie arrived and the shaking had subsided. We sat on pillows around the table and chatted. When each contraction came I would stop in conversation, drop my head on my arms and started the breath. I wanted to get my breathing rhythm down early in the labor, so that later as labor progressed I would have a flow going. After 30 minutes or so Julie suggested that I go for a walk to help things move along since I wasn’t getting any sleep. Julie and I went for a walk around the neighborhood and when we got back she suggested we go to the Birthing Center.
By 5:45am we were packing our things for our stay at Sutter Maternity Center. We took Organic produce and Spirulina for fresh smoothies, raspberry leaf tea, and of course the bad ass vitamix blender. A few days prior I had packed items such as amazing Himalayan bath salts, furry slippers and a shaman’s rattle given to our son at the baby shower. Heading to the Center my contractions were more intense or maybe it was the car ride that made them feel more pronounced than before. I was unable to sit in the front seat like a human, instead I laid the seat all the way back and kneeled on it in the reverse direction, wrapping my arms around the head rest for support. Dahveed drove with Julie and Joy caravanning behind us for the 12 miles to the center.
We arrived at Sutter at 6:30am and checked into a beautiful resort-style room with a jet tub, balcony, couch and hard wood floors. Julie and Joy quickly set up the room with a few alter pieces, stocking the fridge and inquired on how to hook up the tunes we brought. Shortly after our arrival, our nurse came in and wanted to check my dilation, take my blood pressure and take my temperature. She informed me I was about 6 cm and 100% effaced. This was exciting and very encouraging news! I thought wow! I could be delivering our baby boy in just a few hours!
Around 9:00am my midwife Timmie arrived and she checked in with me how everything was going. She said she would be in momentarily and that things were looking great so far.
The thing I loved about Timmie during this whole birth process was that when she would enter the room to check in with me, she would always enter quietly, sit and be still for several moments before even speaking or approaching me. She was so respectful, and gentle when entering my space.
For the next few hours I rode the waves of the contractions and began to tone through the length of each sensation. Julie and Dahveed took turns (more like hour long shifts) stroking my spine in rhythm with my breath or tone. The long firm strokes from the base of my neck all the way down to my tail bone coupled with the toning was key in staying centered through the labor process. Toning is when you use your voice, making a vibration of sound as an OM, UM, OOH or other variations. When the contraction would come, I would take a deep breath, close my eyes then exhale in the Ohhhh oooo mmmmm vibration keeping my pitch very low in the belly, feeling the vibration in my chest. At times I would complete the tone by forming a word like Ohhh-ppppeeeennnn. I would visualize the cervix opening, a flower softening or an eye slowly opening to the sun.
Time seem to go by very quickly for me. Before I knew it, the nurses were checking my dilation at 1:30pm then again at 3:30pm along with my vitals which was routine. My dilation seem to be still at 8-9cm. Timmie did not express any concern for further “progress” since the amniotic bag was still intact and there was no risk of infection. Most mainstream hospitals would be offering me pitocin to induce labor by now or talking me into another form of intervention to speed things along. I greatly appreciated the nurse and my midwife Timmie for allowing me to have my gentle process, take my time and allow my body to birth when ready.
By 4:00pm for some reason, my dilation was not going any further and the bag was not budging. I have to admit that when I would do lunges or low squats to help things along, the contractions would get much more intense and I would then back off for fear of hurting myself. This was all in my head and I recognized it as a fear that needed to go. Timmie said that since I had been at it for more than 12 hours already “naturally”, she would hate to have me and my uterus get exhausted by the time my boy was ready to come out. Timmie offered to break the bag in hopes he would “drop,” then I could birth naturally. I was resistant to the idea of breaking my waters at first, but I felt that it made sense to reserve my energy for the actual birth and it wasn’t too invasive or compromising my wishes for a natural birth. I crawled up on the bed and Timmie broke my waters with a little stick similar to a very small crochet hook. The feeling of the bag’s pressure popping inside and the warm water coming down felt amazing I must say. Timmie cheerfully said the water looked nice and clear and the bag was quite tough which may have been the reason it was being stubborn. I was a little scared because I was anticipating this huge rush of pain, or crazy intense contractions or the feeling of a big head ramming against my pelvis once the sack was broken. None of that happened thank goodness, but I did feel things start to move along on a more energetic level. The feeling was subtle at first, then as the next two hours came and went the intensity gradually rose. I went from the birthing stool to the mat on the floor then onto the yoga ball. I bounced a little and swayed my hips, hoping it would help him drop into the birth canal. I asked Joy to put on some Astarius on the mp3 player in hopes of some stimulation. Astarius’s chants were triggering some emotional stuff in me almost immediately. Stimulation is exactly what I got! His words were so vivid and empowering; seeming to shake my very core. Here I was bringing life into this world! I will now be responsible for encouraging him, teaching him, empowering him and being the example in his life. This was a very powerful moment in my life as a woman. I was overwhelmed with emotion.
I was on the yoga ball and Dahveed was in front of me holding me close. Having Dahveed right there in my face, massaging my back and even holding me close to his chest and toning along with me felt amazing. I began to sob uncontrollably. Not out of pain, it felt more like a realization of my feminine power and a release of old blockages of fear and self worth. I had flashes of past relationships, moments of vulnerability and more. I felt so grateful for this ability to bring forth life and feel strong in my capabilities as a woman. I was ready.
Astarius: "Let there Be" Lyrics
“Let there be power in the word of my mouth
I conquer all fear and doubt.
Let there be wisdom as a fuel of my knowledge
Let it be a blaze within my heart….
I must be consistent in the game of life that
wisdom will finish what knowledge did start.
Let there be love in the word of my hand my life is a blessing under god and man.
Let there be joy of truth bubbling within my soul; destroyer of sadness come make me whole.
Let there be abundance raining down on me, my life now rich with prosperity.
And there is fulfillment of Let there be. For life will always give me as far as I can see.”
While Astarius continued to play, Dahveed shook our son’s rattle and pounded on the little drum in front of me. I continued to sway my hips and use the yoga ball to move the pelvis and make room for him to come down into the birth canal. I continued toning and reserving my energy by focusing inward. As the intensity of the contractions rose, there were times my voice or tone would change and I would make a more “ahhhh” sound and that is when I noticed it “hurt” more. I realized quickly that if I made more “human” noises, the pain would increase. Yet by dropping my voice to a lower octave and toning deep in my belly, the pain would transcend into just a sensation and there was relief. I now understand how so many women “lose it” during labor, or can easily take labor into a painful space. I believe labor can be a pleasurable-empowering experience for all women if given the right tools and encouragement before laboring.
Timmie wanted to check my dilation and needed me up on the bed which I preferred not to go. I crawled up into the bed, let a contraction pass then got situated for Timmie to quickly check. After she checked, I rolled over onto my right side, grabbed the bed rail and prepared for another contraction.
“Oh wow..your dilated fully and he is in the birth canal!” I heard as my contraction came and went.
With the next contraction came an enormous urge to push coming from my lower gut and I exhaled forcefully almost as if someone was pushing on my guts. There was no mistaking it! My whole insides exhaled with a huge “Ugggggg” and for the first time ever I knew exactly what they meant by “bearing down.”
It hurt to be in the bed and on my back, yet being on my right side felt much better. I grabbed Dahveed’s sleeve so that I wouldn’t claw him or squeeze too tightly. I was not in pain, but these sensations were incredibly intense. It was vital for me to realize that my body was just doing what it was designed to do and I trusted in that process. When what felt like my flower started to open, I could feel more pressure. His head was gently making room by expanding my petals, then going back in. Although I did not feel pain, my bottom felt like it was going to just shoot right off. I had never felt before, and because of this I could have easily called it pain. But because I kept my cool and just witnessed this sensation, I was able to stay more calm. I had been told this feeling would come by several momma’s so I was anticipating the “My bum is going to burst and I need to poop!” sensation.
After a few good pushes, to me it didn’t feel like he wasn’t moving very far, but I didn’t want to get discouraged. Dahveed asked for my hand and placed it on the opening where my baby’s head was starting to crown. I felt around for a moment, then got back to work, wanting to stay focused and strong. Dahveed continued to hold my hand and Joy held my top leg up since I was on my side, so that my pelvis stayed open. I did not plan to give birth on my side, but I wasn’t about to get up and move at this point.
I pushed for at least 30 minutes or so maybe less, when I heard Dahveed say that his head was out. The nurses had used hot compresses all during my pushing so that I wouldn’t tear. With his head out the nurses were now instructing me to wait before pushing again. I heard them tell me to breathe and wait, yet I could not control the urge to push and when I did let my body push, he slipped out like a lil’ fishie. Before I completed my thought of “wow! He is out!?! “ the nurse put my baby boy right onto my chest. I put my arms around his warm squirming body and held him up by his little bottom. I cupped his little butt and remember my first thought being “wow…he has huge balls!”
I looked at my baby boy and I was in complete awe. There are no words. I couldn’t believe how long his limbs were and that I had just birthed a human through my body! The nurses quietly did their thing in the low light of the room as he was waving his arms and legs around and catching his breath. While I loved on my baby boy the nurses cleaned up and never once asked to take him out of my arms. I was in love!
Although we requested a Lotus Birth, The center told us we could keep the cord attached until it was done pulsing but that we would then have to take home the placenta separate. Our midwife left the cord on as long as she could, almost forgetting it! Dahveed gently cut the cord as he blessed our baby boy; his son.
We requested not having his genitals cut thru circumcision as well as passing on any immunizations and other vaccinations.
Our boy latched on almost instantly and cuddled on my chest the rest of our stay at Sutter. Friends and family waiting patiently outside of our room until our boy arrived, then blessed us with gifts, love and good food!
We had a few names picked out that we liked, yet we wanted to meet him first. It wasn’t until 30 minutes before leaving the Center that we settled on a name just in time to put on his birth Certificate.
Zavier Bendicio Haro was Born November 23rd 2009 at 7:01 pm. He was 7lb 1 oz 19 inches long
We left Sutter Maternity Center Thanks Giving day around 12 noon and arrived home for a celebration with our family and close friends! It was a beautiful day!
Meet Mighty Mulva: This "weed" grows like wildfire! The petals are all sizes and resemble a Lilly pad. Malva Leaf is said to help loosen and expel phlegm and congestion from the lungs. It aids the body in expelling excess fluid and mucus, and because of its soothing, demulcent qualities, it not only removes phlegm, it also acts to soothe and relieve inflammation of the larynx and tonsils, dry coughs, sore throat, hoarseness, lung catarrh, bronchitis, asthma, emphysema and irritation of respiratory passages.
Lovely Lambs quarter: Sometimes growing waist high with thin branches, this very common backyard snack strengthens our immune system much like most bitter greens. The only weed that round up cannot kill is you guessed it! Lambs quarter! Gimme sum! High in Vit A and C and calcium.
King Daddy Dandylion: The leaves amongst this ever famous yellow flower it use to be used to treat liver issues such as jaundice, gall stones, congested lymph, breast sores and swelling, suppresses lactation, diabetes, delayed menstruation and ulcers.
Dahveed asked me "Aren't you going to take pictures of our smoothie in nice jars?"
Kitchen tip: I recommend saving a previously used glass dressing bottle or buying a nifty-decorative bottle from a second hand store to keep your home made dressings in. By keeping your dressing easily accessable and in a inspiring container, you make it fun and easy to enjoy salad and more salad! Yes please!
